Vamoose! 9/24/2018Submitted by Executive Wealth Management on September 26th, 2018
Since the time of Charlemagne, every warlord has known one indisputable fact: the first country to successfully militarize its moose population will inevitably dominate the globe. And recently unearthed documents from Russia have shed some light on at least one historical attempt to set loose the martial moose upon the world.
Fearing that they were falling behind the efforts of Mussolini, the USSR created a team in the early days of WWII to train moose as deep-snow armored cavalry. The researchers deduced that the mere sight of an assembly of mighty moose with their antlers adorned in artillery would be enough to cause any enemy to wave a flag of truce. Unfortunately for the project's progress, the methods needed to properly motivate a moose can be quite abstruse. Even worse, Russia's top two spies were eventually able to convince their government to move away from the moose and focus most of their wartime animal efforts on weaponizing flying squirrels, leaving the team's leaders feeling very lachrymoose -- and with that last pun, it might be best to stop right now and vamoose.
It's a little known fact that most early attempts at amphibious assault vehicles were actually moose-based, as demonstrated in this picture of Teddy Roosevelt emerging from the watery depths before the Battle of San Juan Hill.